I often say I feel like a bit of a misfit mom, not crunchy enough to be granola but a bit to crisp to be modern. I’m finding I am not alone in this and that I belong to a group of women that is growing every day. Women who simply want to stop being driven by fear and other’s ideas and just want to do what feels RIGHT to them.
Since the Hub and I started talking about having a baby I have been researching everything I can get my hands on. I’ve only witnessed labor once, and it freaked me out. When the prospect of facing that myself was facing me I knew I wanted to choose my birth differently, to choose how I would handle pregnancy, how I would cope with labor, and what I am willing to try or not try. I also knew I had that choice. The only thing I don’t really know is where I got those ideas. I was never taught to trust birth, in fact I wasn’t ever taught anything about birth except for a couple of classes in high school. Yet the attitude I have is that reproduction is the reason I am here, it’s why I exist and I knew I wanted a homebirth. Since the Hub is a rational man, explaining things like just “knowing” doesn’t really work with him, but he trusts me to make informed decisions so I had to inform myself. I did, and in the process became even more at peace with my choice. I am not a woman who thinks “It’s my body and my birth and you’ll deal with it.” My husband is my partner in every sense of the word, it is my responsibility to him to respect his feelings and to do everything I can to help him understand me. There was no way I could go forward with a homebirth if he wasn’t completely on my side. Luckily, I have an amazing, trusting, supportive partner who always encourages me to do what I think is best, and the road to convincing him wasn’t long or hard. He is a man or reason and reason was on my side. The road ended there, though. I don’t feel the need to justify myself to anyone else or make them understand or be comfortable with what I chose. In fact, most people aren’t. My family and some of my friends think I am insane, but they support me anyway because they are absolutely amazing people. I have an army behind me, and that army makes me stronger. This post isn’t to defend myself; it’s to simply answer a question I am asked every time I talk about my birth. Yes, I am planning to have my child at home because I am strong like my mother, determined like my father, and I am supported by an army.