I am one of those people who denies they are superstitious but really, really freaks out if someone walks under a ladder, or there are 13 stairs, or GOD FREAKING FORBID I break a mirror…
Today is Friday the 13th, ladies and gents, and it’s been haunting me for days.
Anyone who knows us, has heard all about our lovely tax refund debacle since January, so if you know me, skip the rest of this paragraph. Ross and I filed our taxes in January, and due to the mistake of an HR person, and what I think was pure greediness from the preparer we ended up having to pay the IRS a lot of money and then amend our return for our Home-buyers Tax Credit. Since we ended up owing money, and were receiving a tax CREDIT, I found out later than we should have just done everything together and they would have taken what we owed OUT of the credit and that would have been that. But, that was most definitely NOT that. The preparer told us we would have to pay what we owed either way, and that doing the amendment was still the best way to go. We were shell-shocked at the time, thinking we were going to be getting a pretty penny from Uncle Sam and then being kicked in the face by life and being told we owed money, the only thought we could really coherently form at the time was, “Well, fuck.” So we came back in February to amend our form and paid more money to H&R Block than we ever needed to and we waited. And waited… In April we got a letter that we had sent in the wrong HUB statement (even though our tax preparer told us what we had would be fine) and to please send in the correct form or our claim would not be processed. I went to our title agency, got the correct form and mailed it out the next day. Again, we waited. All of May, no word. By June we had finally had it. So we started calling. The first woman told us everything was fine, they were still working on it, call back in July if we hadn’t gotten by then. We called back in July and I spoke to the RUDEST people I have ever encountered in customer service. Now, I realize me getting my money has absolutely no effect on their life, but mine is on fucking hold until I get this check, so it is a little bit important to me. They both tell me, “We have no idea what is going on, give us 30 days and if you don’t hear back from us by Aug. 11th, then call back.” Lady, I have given you OVER 16 weeks to figure this shit out, and that’s the best you can tell me?! Bullshit. So I waited, and I was patient, and I was hopeful. Ross called back, before the 11th, and spoke to a guy who figured everything out, reassured him everything was OK, and that our check would be sent out on Aug. 13th. Ross told me this, and I was hopeful again, but not very.
OK FAMILY, FRIENDS, START READING AGAIN!
This week someone said to me, “Friday is Friday the Thirteenth, freaky huh?” My stomach dropped, my chest tightened and my palms became fire hoses. (I have very sweaty hands, deal with it.) August 13th, MY August 13th, was FRIDAY THE 13TH!? Well, HA HA, fool me once Life. I don’t think it was too far-fetched to assume something bad could, and would happen. Fate was tempted, the universe enjoys feeding my neurosis, the odds were just NOT on my side. This morning I spent an HOUR on hold with the IRS waiting for someone to answer my call. I expected the worst, but I turned my phone voice on and was as nice and upbeat as I could be when I finally got through.
“Please, please my life depends on this, am I getting my money?”
“I need to verify you are who you say you are, can you please answer 47 thousand questions and send in a DNA sample?”
“Sure, do I also need to promise you my first-born? Because, I wont get him UNTIL YOU GIVE ME MY MONEY!”
“Hang on ma’am, I am going to put you on hold while I look up your information.”
I HATE hold music.
“Ma’am, it looks like your check was sent out today, is there anything I can help you with?”
“I love you, I will marry you. Is there someone I can talk to, to inform them you are the GODDESS of IRS customer service reps? What was your name again? I am naming my first-born that.”
Ok, Ok, really I said, “Thank you, thank you SO much for your help, no I don’t need anything else. Thank you!”
She chuckled and hung up.
So Friday, August 13, you tricky little day you, I heart you.