So far since deciding we were ready to have a baby I have started compiling lists of all of the information I feel I should have before we start the actual trying process. I’ve checked out our insurance, looked into birthing options and OB’s, priced out nursery items, commisioned all of my friends and family to set aside their cutest clothes, and yet there are still a million things I feel I need to do BB (Before Baby). Here is a glimpse at the current items on my To Do BB List:
Find an OB
Estimate cost of Dr trips for duration of pregnancy
Price out child care options
Research and set maternity clothing budget
You’ll notice a lot of my “to do’s” center around money, the Hub has told me not to talk to him about anything unless there is a price total attached to it. Since he is the budget keeper in the house, this clause did not surprise me one bit.
What did surprise me is how completely this idea, this nonexistent being, would take over my life. I can’t stop thinking about baby things, worrying about things I might over look, imaging who’s eyes or cheeks or nose he will have (I just can’t seem to imagine a girl). I didn’t expect to be so utterly consumed that it bothers me, that I would give anything for an hour even of not thinking about baby things. Wanting a baby so badly, for so long makes all of this even more annoying and persistant. I just want to get started, to get past the planning and enjoy the ride, but that wont happen for months, and I think the more I talk about it, the longer Hub feels the need to push it off.
What I did expect though, was the sadness I feel that my friends and family are so far away. This decision for me is bittersweet, as excited as I am there will always be something (or a bunch of someones) missing and that just sucks.